Exit polls, firearms and soapboxes! Don’t it smell like an election?

CONTINUED FROM PREVIOUS BLOG (NO TO THE SAME OLD, SAME OLD, YES TO THE SAME SAME, SAME SAME)……..

Asked outside of his polling station in Bell Gardens Precinct 123672aa how the vote went, Jules had the following response: “Vote? Motherfuckas wouldn’t let me in the mothefuckin community center. What kind of motherfuckin community center got metal detectors. And why are those motherfuckers on during an election? What? Is a motherfucka gonna run up in his own polling station and shoot up some motherfuckas votin for the same shit? Little woman over there wouldn’t even let my ass through the door. No on eight, Motherfuckas.”

We caught up with one of our wedding planners making a mad dash to her car outside the Manhattan Beach polling station and she had this to say: “I wasn’t registered! Can you believe that? I’ve been so busy registering these stupid, idiotic brides at Target, I forgot all about registering myself. (looks at watch) Damn. And now I have to get all the way out to Encino in an hour to pick up some doves for a six o’clock wedding. I’m not going to make it! Bye, (shouts back as she runs off) Please vote No on 8–I hate doves!!!!!!!”

Henry Hasten, sitting on the curb outside his downtown polling station, had this to say: “What were the odds that they would have lost my mail in registration. I mean the odds were in my favor. I know they were. I suspect this has something to do with an interview I gave to one Nola Shumway a few days ago. No on eight. Statistically speaking, we still have a chance.”

Ted Haggard speaking from Sacramento State Prison: “I had no idea we weren’t able to vote. I’m hopeful though. I’m leading prayer tonight so I’m going to have to cut this short. No on 8! It’s never too late to come out in support of that which is your truest nature. And god loves everyman!

Wait a gosh darn sec! You mean to tell me, or more appropriately, I mean to tell you that not one of our Fiesty ferocious do gooders voted on Prop 8?

Wait! What about Nola? Where is she? Where’s Nola?

We now join Nola Shumway at her polling place somewhere in the vicinity of Pico and Robertson on the westside of Los Angeles…

We find Miss Shumway standing in the center of a local community center, on a hand painted crate that says SOAP screaming into a megaphone: “And let me tell you sum’tin else!!! Anyone who has ever benefited from civil rights legislation owes us a vote. Any lame ass comedian who has pulled out a gay joke for an easy laugh owes us a vote. And for that matter, for poisoning the world with your stupid comedy, you owe us a two vote minimum. Any man who’s ever said ‘That’s gay’ owes us a vote. You all owe us a vote and today we collect! Ain’t that right HoneyBunny? No on 8! Pay up you freeloaders!!.”

Nola is immediately escorted outside and we catch up with her just as they are about to put her in the squad car. “Okay, okay, maybe the soapbox was a little much, but come on! You’re telling me this shirt (Nola is wearing a grey shirt that reads “it’s okay to be an ass today”) is a problem? What, Is it against the law to try to persuade voters at the polls? (Nola is told it is) Fine, but in my defense it’s not like that lady isn’t doing the same thing. (camera pans over to a slightly overweight woman who is reading a tabloid, drinking a McDonald’s latte and humming a Rascal Flatts song.) She should be escorted out as well! She is just as obviously trying to persuade voters!” (Nola is tucked into the car and as they drive away she screams silently through the back window no on eight, no on eight, this is an injustice, I’ll say hello to Ted for you…….”

So kids, what’s the moral of this very convoluted story? The moral is that it is not enough to be passionate about a cause. You have to act. VOTE! Vote because Jules, Wedding planners, Henry, Ted and Nola didn’t.

But what about HoneyBunny? Where in God’s hell is that H.B. (heinous bitch)

Oh- your story teller forgot– HoneyBunny didn’t vote. She was busy filming a reshoot for her last scene in a previous blog:

On a sound stage somewhere in the Valley HoneyBunny enters polling station and with guns out screams at the frightened voters: “everybody vote no on eight or I execute every last motherfuckin one of ya………..

One response to “Exit polls, firearms and soapboxes! Don’t it smell like an election?

  1. Why is it when we want a reaction we get nothing and when we don’t we do?

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